I am far from a perfect person, but I consider myself a pretty good mom. That being said, I make mistakes. I have accidentally pinched C's cute little thigh when putting her in the high chair. Sometimes her bath water is a little too hot or, in my attempt to remedy that, a little too cold. Sometimes I realize at 5:00 that I have forgotten to give C her 3:30 dose of medicine. But, the majority of the time, most days, all goes well. Everyone is happy and fed and bathed and dry and playing safely behind a baby corral, tucked away from the death trap that is the rest of our house.
Today was not one of those days.
Let me preface this by saying that she is totally fine. As I (slowly) type this, we are sitting on the rug, playing with toys, seeing which ones make the best noises when shaken. But this morning, I failed.
We're still not sleeping through the night completely. While, it's getting better, C more often than not, ends up snuggled next to me in our bed after her 6:30 bottle in an attempt for us both to get a little more sleep. She was nestled next to me, engulfed in my arms, sound asleep with her fuzzy little blanket clenched in her fist. So I closed my eyes to join her. I was awakened by a loud THUD followed by crying.
She had woken up, crawled out of my arms and across the entire width of our king sized bed, and fallen off the other side onto the hard wood floor.
I rushed to her, picked her up, and panicked. I tried to soothe her while crying myself. After only a minute, she was smiling, with a little red bump on her left temple. I knew what signs to look for from other moms telling me similar stories, but I called the doctor to make sure. Sure enough, if she wasn't overly lethargic, vomiting, or crying inconsolably, she was fine. I was relieved, but still so upset with myself. For weeks now, I had been worried about this happening. C is not only very mobile now, but also very curious. Needless to say, our days of morning snuggling in bed are over (at least while Mommy is sleeping).
I share this story because that's the point of this blog. If I only shared my triumphs, I'd be censoring myself and my readers from the truth that parenting is hard and not all days are perfect. I am so lucky that she is okay and that a tiny bump on her head is her only battle wound from this morning, but I'm not naive enough to think that this is the only time in her life that I will screw up. Luckily, my good parenting moments far outweigh the bad; but, for the record, the bad are absolutely heart breaking.