Monday, January 30, 2012

Baby See. Baby Do.

Today, while eating lunch, I dropped a piece of chicken on the ground for Banks.
C looked right at me, smiled, and dropped a blueberry on the ground.

Oops. 

I guess this means no more food from the table for the dog. (Because it was such a good idea before).

In other news, our child will only eat things that produce the worst stains. Avocados? Check. Blueberries? Check. Peas? Check.  Thank God for Oxyclean.

Yes, that is a red block that she simply HAD to bring with her.


Thursday, January 26, 2012

Mama

I have officially grown tired of the sound of my own voice; but, after an entire day of repetition, C finally said "Mama"! It's the most precious sound I've ever heard.


YouTube Video

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Transition

I've been thinking a lot about this past year. I am the mother of an eleven month old, after all. I've been looking at photos from the baby shower and from the hospital. I've been sighing with my hand on my chest as I fold tiny clothes and pack them away for future babies (hopefully). I've been watching this tiny person turn into a toddler.

Just a year ago, I was learning to adjust from working full time to being a full time mother. She was still in my belly as I tried to embrace this new lifestyle of mine. I would still be making to do lists and balancing a schedule and planning events. Only now, the to do list would be filled with laundry and diapers and the schedule would be divided into three hour increments, defined by a baby's cry for food, sleep, or cleanliness. My event planning skills would help me plan play dates and birthday parties.

There was no doubt that my world would be vastly different. There would be no more lunch hours or happy hours. No more work trips or expense reports. No more morning gossip over coffee. No more heels or tailored dresses. No more makeup. It was what I had secretly wanted all along - to stay home with our daughter; but, the reality of it was a little scary.

Then she arrived, which was the scariest of all. She was over four weeks early and I was less than prepared, but in the first moment I heard her cry, before even seeing her face, I transitioned into a mother. In that moment, I became less important. In that moment, my needs were instantly pushed aside to make room for hers. In that moment, I began to discover a part of me I never knew was there. We instantly became a family of three.

Eleven months later, I am still transitioning. I would be lying if I said there weren't days I longed for a dirty martini over happy hour with the girls, and I'm pretty sure my heels cry a little each day I open the closet and reach for the tennis shoes; but this transition has been the most difficult of all - becoming the mother of a toddler. 

The past two nights, I have attempted to rock my baby to sleep only to have her wrestle me until I put her down and let her fall asleep on her own. My heart breaks a little as I slowly back out of the room and shut the door, knowing this is a good thing, but wishing I had known the last rock goodnight was the last. She wants to feed herself, turning her head and giving me a look of contempt I know all too well as my own as the reaches for the spoon herself. She stands on her own, on the verge of walking, and goes to her toy shelf to pull out exactly what she wants. She is getting so big.



It's a feeling I think only another mother can understand - wanting your child to grow up and stand still at the very same time. I wished so hard for each milestone, begging her, through coffee sponsored mornings, to just sleep through the night already. I coached her to crawl. I taught her to stand. And now, looking back, I wonder what my hurry was. I can't wait to see what this next year brings. I cannot wait to hear her talk and watch her walk and see her personality blossom before me. But, a little part of me wants to squish her against my chest and just rock her back and forth, back and forth, back and forth...without a fight.




Monday, January 16, 2012

Not-So-Suzy Homemaker

I had every intention of filling my night with exciting things like cleaning and organizing and prepping the old china cabinet that has been sitting in my garage for a year for it's shabby chic paint makeover a la Pinterest:

This lady is amazing!

Instead, I sat on my ass and simultaneously caught up on bad tv while surfing Pinterest for future projects and first birthday party ideas (so excited! more on this later...). 

Perhaps I'll be productive tomorrow...

Wrastlin'

I've never wrangled livestock, but I'm fairly confident that changing the diaper of a wiggly, crawling baby is perfect training for wrestling a greased pig.

When is the fair in town? I'm ready to compete.








Thursday, January 12, 2012

Dad

C and I are missing Husband this week while he travels for work. I just couldn't help but tear up while reading this blog post from another daddy of a daughter, and for lack of anything else to write about tonight, here it is:


Come home soon, Daddy!




Thursday, January 5, 2012

Sounding Board

When I started writing about Catherine's hemangioma, it was because I had been researching like a mad woman and, among all of the disturbingly graphic information available online, had found some relief from reading the blogs of other mothers going through the same thing. I began sharing each doctor's appointment, blood pressure reading, and treatment change both as an outlet for myself and in hopes that it would one day offer some information and support to another mother.

Today, I was fortunate to meet (via facebook) a friend of a friend who is just beginning this journey with her two month old daughter. Just telling her about our journey made me realize just how far we've come. I had forgotten how utterly scary it was and how completely helpless I felt at the very beginning. I had forgotten the deep red color of the bulging bump on my baby's forehead. I had forgotten the rage I felt the first time a complete stranger had the audacity to ask me what was wrong with my baby. 

I had forgotten it all because while it has faded dramatically, it has also just become a part of my daughter. Some days, I forget it is there until I sweep her hair from her eyes to reveal the pink mark beneath. It is amazing how far we have come since we started treatment back in May. She is no longer on the clobetasol steroid cream at night, although we are still administering propranalol blood pressure medication every eight hours. But, Dr. Theos says that we will start weaning her off of that shortly after her first birthday since that is when the hemangioma will begin to shrink on its own without medical help. If it has not faded by the time she is four, we will look into laser treatment, but it should mostly go away on its own. She may be left with a slight scar without laser treatment, but it will be minimal and I'm sure we can find a cute hairstyle to hide it if need be (once she outgrows the adorable flower headbands that have become her signature look).



So as I look at my daughter and compare to photos from the beginning, I am flooded with the emotions I had then and relieved at what I see before me. We've come a long way and I can only hope the journey for my new friend is as positive as ours has been.

Day 1 of treatment (5-11-11)

After over 7 months of treatment

Monday, January 2, 2012

I Resolve

The thing about new year's resolutions is that no one actually keeps them past mid February. A couple years ago when I actually worked out on a regular basis, I was lucky to find a parking space at the Y, much less a free elliptical, for the entire month of January. But no sooner were conversation hearts littering the trash can that the wait list for my favorite elliptical was thinning.


I don't make resolutions. I never really have. But, this year, I am making one that I will undoubtedly keep. I resolve to be the best mother I can possibly be.


I resolve to spend less time on my computer and more time crawling around on the floor.


I resolve to photograph and record as many moments in my daughter's life as possible, so I don't miss things like these:








I resolve to appreciate the role of motherhood even on days when I am tired and haven't washed my hair or eaten real food and my daughter is clinging to my leg like a baby koala.


I resolve to love the stage where my daughter clings to my leg like a baby koala.


I resolve to protect, teach, and love my daughter with all that I have all day, every day.