Mommy Brain

Last night, after I rejoiced over a poopy diaper, Husband informed me I officially suffered from "Mommy Brain" in which I was incapable of talking about anything but "mom stuff." 

He is so right. I have lost touch with the real world.

I am totally okay with this.

Welcome to my world. It's so much cuter here:

Size Matters

14 weeks

It's all about size lately. How big is she now? How much is she eating? How much medicine is she taking? How long is she sleeping? How....how....how...?

How big? Too big! I blink my eyes and she gains an ounce, grows 1/4 of an inch. She has grown out of newborn diapers and I have packed away a box full of newborn onesies and footed pajamas.

How much is she eating? Enough to keep me in my day job of cleaning and making bottles. 

How much medicine? Enough to make a difference on day 22 of OGH:

Day 1 - Day 22
Side note: is there anything sweeter than a sleeping baby?

How long is she sleeping? Long enough for me to finish one load of laundry, start a load of dishes, attempt to make the house not look like a small explosion just went off, and grab just enough sleep to allow me to hazily function the next day.

As I rocked my nearly 12 pound (12 pounds!) baby to sleep tonight, struggling to still cradle her like a newborn, my arm tingling beneath her weight, I was painfully aware of her size and how rapidly it is increasing. I sleep for 4 hours and wake up to find a beautiful little morning person, more expressive than the day before. I blink and my three month old is teething. I turn around and she is nearly holding her head up on her own.  Where is the time going?

Along with all the other unsolicited advice you receive from complete strangers as a new mom, is the warning that they grow up much too fast. Well, random lady in the Target checkout line, you were right. I look at my sweet little three month old and realize that she is already one quarter of a year old! She has been in this world for 14 weeks in which she has learned to make playful noises, to smile, to follow the sound of my voice. She can push her tiny body up on her tiny little arms when on her tummy, and can grab toys and purposefully put them in her mouth. 

Each day she evolves more and more into the person she is supposed to be. At 14 weeks old, I can already tell she is stubborn like her Mommy, but easygoing like Daddy. She is dramatic (her god-given right as the first born) and has us wrapped around her little finger. She likes bright lights and mirrors and kisses on her chubby little cheeks. She's ticklish. Mommy's bedtime stories put her to sleep while Daddy's make her ready to play. We've already learned so much about this precious little girl yet still have so very much to discover. 

It's difficult to believe that 14 weeks have passed by already and that our once 5 pounds, 2 ounces daughter is now nearly twelve pounds and that the same little girl who was once swallowed by preemie clothes is now wearing size 3 months. While our daughter grows and changes each day, so does our world, living as if we ceased to exist before her and never looking back. We have grown from a family of two to one of three and that size matters most of all.

Happy Girl

Operation Goodbye Hemangioma: Day 15

13 weeks old today and already stealing the show. This morning, we made another trip to Children's to see Dr. Theos and evaluate how well the propranalol is working. My little show stopper was all smiles in the waiting room, in the second waiting room, and while waiting in the exam room (there is A LOT of waiting involved in these visits). In the past few weeks, C has become so expressive and something about all the bright lights at the doctor's office just makes her day (and mine)!

Waiting happily for Dr. Theos

In just 15 days of treatment, her hemangioma has changed drastically. The entire area has become soft to the touch and much less raised. The red area has become slightly gray, which Dr. Theos said is a very good sign of the medication working. I'm simply amazed that in only 15 days, we have seen such a difference and I have to brag, once again, on the staff there. Without looking at her chart, the nurse knows her name and my previous concerns from each blood pressure check. She knows that a paci is the only thing that makes C still enough for the blood pressure check and that she is happiest flat on her back on the table (so she can stare at the fluorescent light). While it's not ideal that we have to be there in the first place, I couldn't be happier with our experience.

Day 1 - Day 15

Although her blood pressure checked out much higher today, we were still advised to stick with the 0.4 mL dosage instead of increasing at all. It seems to be working well and C has adjusted to the thrice daily doses. We will return in one month to reevaluate. I'm not sure what we'll do with all our free time until then! But, after over an hour of entertaining the staff and other patients with her squealing, kicking, and general cuteness, we headed home for some much needed napping. Nap time. It's a good thing.

Spoiled Rotten

3 months old

Yesterday, our baby girl turned 3 months old! I have a feeling I will type this exact same thing each month, but I can't believe she's 3 months old already!

The past three months have been exhausting, exhilarating, and life changing and I wouldn't have it any other way. It's difficult to remember our lives without C. To remember life before 3:00 a.m. feedings and pacis and laundry loads full of delicate pink things. Before weekend trips involved carseats and bottle pit stops and a CD of womb sounds. Before my ears adjusted to hear the tiniest change in breathing or to identify different cries. Life before C is a distant memory and not nearly as much fun. And in this new life, there are new things to consider.

Husband and I have talked a lot lately about the people with which we surround ourselves and how they automatically become a part of her life. This weekend reminded us of what simply good people we have chosen to call our friends (and vice versa). 

C is the first baby in our group of Birmingham friends, thus becoming somewhat of a community baby. She boasts more aunts and uncles than most babies (because, you know they all talk) and I slightly fear she won't ever crawl or walk because she is constantly being held. She is loved. so. very. much. And for this, I am grateful.

This weekend, C ventured into the pool for the very first time. Our friends Ryan and Alex had everyone over on Saturday and even heated the pool to the temperature of bath water for our little girl. She was so excited to finally wear her cute bathing suit and cover up from her CiCi and her sun hat from her Mim (because the outfit is just as important as the activity) and she loved the water! She spent the afternoon being passed between Aunt Ryan, Aunt Heather, and Aunt Jenn. She even had a little cuddle time with Uncle Alex. 

Just one of the girls

After a fun filled day in the sun, the same crew headed to the wedding of a dear friend. Not only was C quiet throughout the entire ceremony, but she partied with the best of them all night long! She was mesmerized by the music and the lights at the reception and, once again, found herself being passed from one friend to the next. 

Uncle Warren and C at the reception

Dinnertime with Aunt Jenn

We so enjoyed spending the entire weekend with such wonderful friends and are grateful that C will grow up surrounded by such positive examples. She is one very lucky little girl. Happy 3 months, sweet Catherine!

In the Blink of an Eye

Operation Goodbye Hemangioma: Day 10

This morning, we increased C's dose of propranalol from 0.4 mL to 0.8 mL. After checking her blood pressure, Dr. Theos determined it was much too low to continue with that dose and instructed us to stay with 0.4 mL over the weekend and check her BP again on Monday. 

Thirty minutes before, as I carried my sleeping daughter's limp body in my arms, I knew what the results would be. While the medication has affected her sleep habits, she typically only sleeps that hard at night. And after I managed to put her in her carseat, drive home, and take her out of her carseat without so much as a peep from her, I began to panic. So I pulled out my best acts to attempt something everyone tells you never to do: wake a sleeping baby.

I sang songs, told stories in funny voices, and kissed her all over. I was going for this reaction:

Finally, after much work, she woke up as her smiling, happy self just in time for a picnic with friends. We were able to spend this sunny afternoon with our friend Ben and his Mommy Jessica. Ben is three and a half months older than Miss C and I love watching him grow and getting a little sneak peek at what is to come. These two will grow up playing together and will be best friends by their first day of kindergarten together! I'm so lucky to have a friend in the same Mommy stage as me for those days when I need to talk to someone who can talk back (and it doesn't hurt that our kids get to socialize too).

Somehow, while I have been focused on dosages, feedings, and sleep schedules, my baby girl has gotten 10 days older right before my eyes. She is much more alert throughout the day, responding to me with coos and squeals and a crooked smile. Her expressions entertain me all day long as I change mine in hopes of a mimic. She is ticklish, loves bright lights and mirrors, and thinks her Mommy is hysterical. She is squeezing into her last pack of newborn diapers and stretching out her newborn footed pajamas. Our little girl is growing so fast and I am amazed at how she changes each day.

And while she has been busy growing, her hemangioma has been busy shrinking! While the red is relatively the same, the bump has gone down, no longer affecting her left eyebrow when smiling, and the surface area is soft to the touch. Although we weren't able to stick with the increased dosage today, we will keep trucking along with our 0.4 mL until our check up on the 25th. Hopefully, Dr. Theos will be as happy with our progress as I am.

Day 1 - Day 10 on propranalol

Ain't No Rest for the Weary

Operation Goodbye Hemangioma: Day 6

Sleep is on the brain. Mostly because the Ryan house hasn't seen much of it in the last week.

We knew Operation Goodbye Hemangioma would come with side effects, one of which is increased fussiness. I can't imagine what it must feel like to already be so small and then to have your blood pressure drastically lowered. Our C is certainly a trooper, but the difference in her mood is apparent. She seems to be inexplicably upset more often than before, but can typically still be consoled. Still, this increased fussiness has somehow made it more difficult for her to sleep.

I blame myself. I may have bragged a little too much about how easy it has been to put C on a sleep schedule. For weeks now, she has been going to bed at 9:00 and not waking until 5:30! It was magical. The operative word being was. 

Our day now revolves around three very important feedings with medication: 8:30 a.m, 4:30 p.m., and 12:30 a.m. For the past five days, she received 0.2 mL of propranalol with a bottle exactly every 8 hours. Starting today, the dosage was increased to 0.4 mL. While the only dose that seems to throw off our sleep schedule is that at 12:30 a.m., the necessary changes made to our feeding schedule to accommodate these doses paired with her decreased appetite, have made our girl unhappy and restless in the evenings and only able to sleep for a couple hours (at best) at a time. But after these less than restful evenings, our typical happy girl is back and all smiles. Someone is a morning person (and her Mommy is learning to become one)!

Sleep. It's a simple trade off really. If my being sleep deprived and disheveled for a mere few months results in this treatment working and her hemangioma vanishing, I'll sleep later.

The medication has already begun working! After only five days of treatment, the spot is noticeably softer and less raised and her blood pressure, while much lower, is still healthy enough to continue the course. I am amazed at the results of this treatment already and continue to be impressed with the staff at Dr. Theos' office. The nurses already know and call Catherine by name at our blood pressure checks and Catherine lights up when we are there. I don't know if it's the bright paintings and lights or just the cheerful staff, but she just can't get enough of them. 

I'm so proud of our little girl. I'll leave you with this while I attempt to master the power nap.

Day 6 and counting...

Day 1

Day 6

Operation Goodbye Hemangioma

Today, at exactly 11 weeks old, C started a treatment for her hemangioma. After much research, we went into our appointment on Monday with reservations. We were seeing a pediatric dermatologist who specializes in hemangiomas and happens to be the only one in the state. I had read countless articles and blogs and watched way too many heart wrenching you tube videos of painful laser treatments and surgeries performed on infants just as small as our baby C to treat hemangiomas very similar to hers, so I braced myself for shocking suggestions.

I was pleasantly surprised. After waiting in the bright and cheery waiting room of the Specialty Division of Children's Hospital South, we were quickly taken back to check vitals and meet with one of her many residents working underneath her. The nurses were wonderful with C and the residents were all so nice. I was most impressed with how "normal" they seemed to think C's case was, having seen countless just like it. When Dr. Theos entered the room, she got right down to business. While she assured us that the location of C's hemangioma would not likely affect any vital organs (most concerning is her left eye), there is always a cosmetic aspect to consider. Even though it should shrink and vanish on its own by the time she is two, it could leave scarring, stretched skin, or other permanent markings. Taking that into consideration, she suggested a relatively new and slightly experimental treatment that was discovered by accident while treating children in France:

Propranolol. A blood pressure medication.

By taking up to 0.8mL, three times a day, the decreased blood pressure should allow the hemangioma to shrink at a rapid pace. We could see beginning changes in as little as TWO DAYS and it could be completely gone in as little as two to three months! After an EKG deemed C's heart strong enough to handle it, it was decided we would start this morning with our first dose under nurse supervision at Children's. We started with 0.2mL and after her blood pressure checked out okay, we were sent home to continue the next 5 days of doses every 8 hours on our own. We will increase to 0.4mL on day 6 (again under nurse supervision) and then again to 0.8mL on day 11. 


I will be documenting her progress in hopes that other parents will find this information useful. I know I spent countless hours searching for answers online only to find mostly disappointing stories. Hopefully, C's case will be a success! 

Day 1 of treatment
5-11-11
11 weeks old

We are positive and hopeful that this will work, but know that it is experimental and we may have to explore other options. Either way, I am excited that modern medicine is allowing our little trooper to be the beautiful girl she is. Operation Goodbye Hemangioma has commenced!

"I believe that the happy girls are the prettiest girls." -Audrey Hepburn