In the Blink of an Eye

Operation Goodbye Hemangioma: Day 10

This morning, we increased C's dose of propranalol from 0.4 mL to 0.8 mL. After checking her blood pressure, Dr. Theos determined it was much too low to continue with that dose and instructed us to stay with 0.4 mL over the weekend and check her BP again on Monday. 

Thirty minutes before, as I carried my sleeping daughter's limp body in my arms, I knew what the results would be. While the medication has affected her sleep habits, she typically only sleeps that hard at night. And after I managed to put her in her carseat, drive home, and take her out of her carseat without so much as a peep from her, I began to panic. So I pulled out my best acts to attempt something everyone tells you never to do: wake a sleeping baby.

I sang songs, told stories in funny voices, and kissed her all over. I was going for this reaction:

Finally, after much work, she woke up as her smiling, happy self just in time for a picnic with friends. We were able to spend this sunny afternoon with our friend Ben and his Mommy Jessica. Ben is three and a half months older than Miss C and I love watching him grow and getting a little sneak peek at what is to come. These two will grow up playing together and will be best friends by their first day of kindergarten together! I'm so lucky to have a friend in the same Mommy stage as me for those days when I need to talk to someone who can talk back (and it doesn't hurt that our kids get to socialize too).

Somehow, while I have been focused on dosages, feedings, and sleep schedules, my baby girl has gotten 10 days older right before my eyes. She is much more alert throughout the day, responding to me with coos and squeals and a crooked smile. Her expressions entertain me all day long as I change mine in hopes of a mimic. She is ticklish, loves bright lights and mirrors, and thinks her Mommy is hysterical. She is squeezing into her last pack of newborn diapers and stretching out her newborn footed pajamas. Our little girl is growing so fast and I am amazed at how she changes each day.

And while she has been busy growing, her hemangioma has been busy shrinking! While the red is relatively the same, the bump has gone down, no longer affecting her left eyebrow when smiling, and the surface area is soft to the touch. Although we weren't able to stick with the increased dosage today, we will keep trucking along with our 0.4 mL until our check up on the 25th. Hopefully, Dr. Theos will be as happy with our progress as I am.

Day 1 - Day 10 on propranalol

Ain't No Rest for the Weary

Operation Goodbye Hemangioma: Day 6

Sleep is on the brain. Mostly because the Ryan house hasn't seen much of it in the last week.

We knew Operation Goodbye Hemangioma would come with side effects, one of which is increased fussiness. I can't imagine what it must feel like to already be so small and then to have your blood pressure drastically lowered. Our C is certainly a trooper, but the difference in her mood is apparent. She seems to be inexplicably upset more often than before, but can typically still be consoled. Still, this increased fussiness has somehow made it more difficult for her to sleep.

I blame myself. I may have bragged a little too much about how easy it has been to put C on a sleep schedule. For weeks now, she has been going to bed at 9:00 and not waking until 5:30! It was magical. The operative word being was. 

Our day now revolves around three very important feedings with medication: 8:30 a.m, 4:30 p.m., and 12:30 a.m. For the past five days, she received 0.2 mL of propranalol with a bottle exactly every 8 hours. Starting today, the dosage was increased to 0.4 mL. While the only dose that seems to throw off our sleep schedule is that at 12:30 a.m., the necessary changes made to our feeding schedule to accommodate these doses paired with her decreased appetite, have made our girl unhappy and restless in the evenings and only able to sleep for a couple hours (at best) at a time. But after these less than restful evenings, our typical happy girl is back and all smiles. Someone is a morning person (and her Mommy is learning to become one)!

Sleep. It's a simple trade off really. If my being sleep deprived and disheveled for a mere few months results in this treatment working and her hemangioma vanishing, I'll sleep later.

The medication has already begun working! After only five days of treatment, the spot is noticeably softer and less raised and her blood pressure, while much lower, is still healthy enough to continue the course. I am amazed at the results of this treatment already and continue to be impressed with the staff at Dr. Theos' office. The nurses already know and call Catherine by name at our blood pressure checks and Catherine lights up when we are there. I don't know if it's the bright paintings and lights or just the cheerful staff, but she just can't get enough of them. 

I'm so proud of our little girl. I'll leave you with this while I attempt to master the power nap.

Day 6 and counting...

Day 1

Day 6

Operation Goodbye Hemangioma

Today, at exactly 11 weeks old, C started a treatment for her hemangioma. After much research, we went into our appointment on Monday with reservations. We were seeing a pediatric dermatologist who specializes in hemangiomas and happens to be the only one in the state. I had read countless articles and blogs and watched way too many heart wrenching you tube videos of painful laser treatments and surgeries performed on infants just as small as our baby C to treat hemangiomas very similar to hers, so I braced myself for shocking suggestions.

I was pleasantly surprised. After waiting in the bright and cheery waiting room of the Specialty Division of Children's Hospital South, we were quickly taken back to check vitals and meet with one of her many residents working underneath her. The nurses were wonderful with C and the residents were all so nice. I was most impressed with how "normal" they seemed to think C's case was, having seen countless just like it. When Dr. Theos entered the room, she got right down to business. While she assured us that the location of C's hemangioma would not likely affect any vital organs (most concerning is her left eye), there is always a cosmetic aspect to consider. Even though it should shrink and vanish on its own by the time she is two, it could leave scarring, stretched skin, or other permanent markings. Taking that into consideration, she suggested a relatively new and slightly experimental treatment that was discovered by accident while treating children in France:

Propranolol. A blood pressure medication.

By taking up to 0.8mL, three times a day, the decreased blood pressure should allow the hemangioma to shrink at a rapid pace. We could see beginning changes in as little as TWO DAYS and it could be completely gone in as little as two to three months! After an EKG deemed C's heart strong enough to handle it, it was decided we would start this morning with our first dose under nurse supervision at Children's. We started with 0.2mL and after her blood pressure checked out okay, we were sent home to continue the next 5 days of doses every 8 hours on our own. We will increase to 0.4mL on day 6 (again under nurse supervision) and then again to 0.8mL on day 11. 


I will be documenting her progress in hopes that other parents will find this information useful. I know I spent countless hours searching for answers online only to find mostly disappointing stories. Hopefully, C's case will be a success! 

Day 1 of treatment
5-11-11
11 weeks old

We are positive and hopeful that this will work, but know that it is experimental and we may have to explore other options. Either way, I am excited that modern medicine is allowing our little trooper to be the beautiful girl she is. Operation Goodbye Hemangioma has commenced!

"I believe that the happy girls are the prettiest girls." -Audrey Hepburn

Mom Knows Best

Mom's advice started out early with, "You can cry all you want, but you're not going to get it" and "Don't make that face or it will stick that way." It grew as I grew into classics such as, "Make good choices," and my all time favorite, "Nothing good ever happens after midnight."

I would roll my eyes as I hopped in my cherry red convertible, turned up Dave Mathews Band and pulled out of my driveway, annoyed at her constant need to know where I was going and who I was with, and painfully unaware of how much freedom I actually had. 

I had her trust and I tested it. I threw epic parties when my parents were out of town, I stretched curfew, I lied about who I was with and where I was going. 99% of the time, I got caught and 100% of the time, I learned valuable lessons. It turns out, nothing good really does happen after midnight and that the cool girls I wasn't allowed to hang out with really didn't make good choices. 

While her advice was tried and true, it was her actions that taught me the most lessons. I watched her put her whole heart into teaching, only to come home and do odd side jobs for hours at night, eventually getting her masters degree and a real estate license along the way. She didn't just serve on committees at church and at school. She was head of them all. And she still somehow had time for Alabama's Junior Miss and Bal Masque after driving us to dance and cheerleading and basketball (ahem... for that one very painful year) practices. I learned to work hard, to organize, and to take charge.

I watched her artfully wrap gifts with intricate details because the wrapping is just as important as the gift inside. She taught me how to make the perfect bow.

I learned to love Westerns, all things John Wayne, and Big Valley, because she watched them while she ironed. She ironed so often that I drew a picture of her ironing in class and gave it to her because it was her "favorite thing to do." I did not, however, learn to iron. The dryer works just fine.

I make a big deal out of all holidays with themed food (heart shaped everything for Valentine's Day, ghost cookies for Halloween, sugar cookies at Christmas) and I know how to make the perfect J-ELLO shot.

I tri-fold my towels because that's the way she did it (and it's the right way) and even if my house is a wreck, my kitchen sink is always clean.

While all these lessons have come in handy (especially the J-ELLO shots), I realize now that I learned the most valuable lesson without even realizing it. She taught me how to be a great mom.

She loves me unconditionally. Forgives and forgets with ease. Can calm me down and allow me to use perspective with simple reassurance. Even now, as I carry the title of Mom as well, she is the first person I call when anything, good or bad, happens and the one whose advice and opinions I now crave.

And all those hours she spends selflessly organizing my kitchen, cleaning my house, doing laundry, and spoiling my child, she doesn't know that I am watching her every move intently, secretly hoping that I can be only half as good a mom as she is. 

While I rocked my daughter to sleep on my very first Mother's Day, I read I Love You Forever and softly sang a verse of My Favorite Things.  As my daughter's eyes gently fluttered, fighting to stay awake, I could hear my mom reading that same book to me and singing me to sleep with that very same tune. I couldn't be prouder.

     I love you forever,

     I like you for always,

    As long as I'm living,

    My Mommy you'll be.

Nana, Mallory, C and me, and Mom
celebrating Easter four generations strong.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom! 

Where the Winds Blow

Husband said it best today. "Before our daughter, I probably cried a handful of times in my life. But, now that I'm a father, I am moved to tears more than ever before." 

Parenthood. It changes you.

Today, I paid someone to mow our lawn. I paid some bills online. I rocked my daughter. I did laundry and cooked a nice meal. It was a normal day. Except instead of watching movies or terrible daytime television, I was glued to footage of our state, of the aftermath of one of the worst tornadoes I have seen in my lifetime, and I was grateful. My friends and family are safe. All accounted for. We are fine, but so many people aren't. I do not cry out in the night for my loved ones. But, as I type this, my husband is searching a neighborhood with flashlight in hand, for the mother of a friend, who is still missing. 

I grew up in Montgomery, Alabama where tornadoes in springtime are as common as pollen. Countless times, I sat in the school hallway with a book over my head or in the hallway at home with pillows, blankets, and flashlights listening intently to the radio updates. As a child, it was great fun, a family slumber party. My climbing tree fell on our house once, but I don't think I ever fully grasped the level to which each siren sound could bring with it devastation.

As I sat last night in the basement bathtub, clutching my 9 week old daughter in the flickering candlelight, I felt a level of anxiety I have never felt before. Before the lights shuttered and the tv screen turned dark, I watched the live coverage as the tornado blew through Tuscaloosa. Without power, I was unsure of the direction in which it was headed, but knew it had to be close. I listened to the wind howl outside and I feared for my daughter. All I wanted to do was protect her from harm and I worried my best wouldn't be good enough. Husband was stuck at work and I felt the unnerving level of fear I felt the day C was born while he was miles away. Our lives just don't work without him.

It missed us by a mere 2 miles. It had nothing to do with the god we may or may not believe in or how hard we prayed or what kind of people we are. By sheer luck, the winds shifted and the tornado spared our home. But it hit so many others. My heart is heavy for our state. For those who mourn the loss of loved ones. For those who wander the streets searching for the missing. I watch my daughter sleep soundly and I weep for those who lost their child. This event has changed our seemingly unrecognizable state. Our home and our daily lives may remain unchanged; but my heart. My heart weeps.

Donate to the relief effort through the Red Cross

And Then She Smiles...

This morning, after my little girl slept for five glorious uninterrupted hours, I looked into her eyes while changing her diaper and said, "hi." This simple word was the first I ever uttered to her just seconds after she entered this world eight weeks ago today. And today, this same word produced her very first smile.

Yes, there have been the occasional involuntary smirks from gas or while in the midst of a very happy baby dream, but none so obviously intentional until today. My daughter smiled at me. And all it took was a simple "hi."

Why can't everything in life be so beautifully simple?

Super Dad

Last weekend, we celebrated the marriage of my sister to Peter at Children's Harbor on Lake Martin.  The day was absolutely perfect, a sunny 86 degrees, blue skies, blue water. But, as we neared this weekend with a newly fussy six week old, I had my doubts.

For six weeks, I had loved my new role as a stay-at-home mom, but my role as matron of honor meant that I had to relinquish my role as mom for a few hours. Husband was quick to step up in the childcare department and would have her for basically the entire day and throughout the wedding all by himself. I certainly wasn't worried. He's a great dad. But as I have experienced, C is not always predictable and recently, not always consolable. 

Husband's role as Super Dad started the night before the wedding as he took over feedings so I could get a little sleep and not add haggard to the mommy weight I was sporting in wedding photos that would last forever. Then, as I spent two hours getting ready, it was Super Dad to the rescue with bottles and burping, swaddling and soothing. I left for the church at 12:00, leaving him to dress the littlest flower girl in her fancy dress (including slip and headband), as well as feed and transport her to the chapel for the 3:00 wedding. 


Not only did he accomplish all of this flawlessly, but was able to keep C quiet in the 100 degree chapel throughout the entire ceremony, including pictures afterward. She was spent from being adorable and slept through the entire reception, passed from person to person without a peep, but Husband made sure he knew where she was at all times, when she needed to eat again, etc. And when the men's restroom didn't have a changing table, he even tried to change her in the women's restroom (to no avail). (We will be writing a strongly worded letter about that!) Overall, he made sure that I could enjoy every moment of my sister's wedding while still enjoying being Mommy and I couldn't be more grateful for my super husband and Super Dad.

Our family of three at sunset